Recently I shared on Instagram how much I used to want to be liked. By everyone. No matter what that meant for my own expression, my opinions, and my needs.
I wanted to be accepted and loved, and belong more than I wanted to be me. Being me often felt deeply unsafe, too scary and overwhelming - being myself felt fast, out of control because I didn't have that many experiences where being me was actually, truly safe (especially after the age of 13).
When I began doing this work for myself I discovered that there was a whole lot of trauma around abandonment, being forgotten, replaced, discarded in my lineages. That there were a lot of violations around self-expression and speaking your truth (especially if you were a woman).
What I learned in the process is that the wounds of abandonment, around self-expression, and belonging usually reach back far and wide (these are not one-off incidents in our lineages but are often happening for centuries).
That we observe the embodiment of these wounds in our parents, our grandparents, our caregivers growing up (this isn't about blaming our parents and grandparents, or even great grandparents for not doing it differently because they too were under an inherited trauma spell).
And that we then idealize these behaviors and believe them to be the only way to belong and to be accepted.
What this often looks like when we're adults - we believe and feel that the only way to "belong" is to be liked. We might people please, we might shut out any needs we might have, we might overwork, overgive, overdeliver. We might be hypervigilant, always on high alert when it comes to the mood of the people around us. We might be quiet, our bodies might feel heavy with truth.
When we begin healing these imprints in our lineages, so much life force is restored, so much safety and capacity to be ourselves. So much inherent bravery that leads to goodness.
The biggest gifts this work has given me is FREEDOM and a return to the wise, wild, rebellious blueprint that laid dormant for centuries in my family.
It's allowed me to be brave in all the ways I never thought I could. And brave looks different for everyone - for some it's allowing yourself to fall in love again after all the heartbreak, for some it's honest conversations with loved ones, for some it's a solo trip to the wild, for some, it's making a home, for some, it's saying NO, for some it's rest, for some it's taking a risk, for some, it's letting in JOY (you take your pick).
What would it feel like to restore connection to all of this?!
We are made for returning to all of this wild magic!
P.S. Want to belong in a community of like minded folks? Join my community here.